The Brady Bunch Effect: Meshing Cultures

With our children, both bios and adopted, we share a common desire - a complete family. Daleska and Emily wanted new parents, siblings, and all that comes along with being a part of a healthy, normal family. The other five of us wanted new daughters/siblings with whom to share life.

The journey towards becoming a typical family has had, and will continue to have, bumps along the way. With our patience tested on a daily basis, it is with a broader perspective that we will make this new family work. I call our "new normal" the Brady Bunch Effect.

Popular throughout the 70's and 80's, the Brady Bunch was centered around two families becoming one. As the family members began their new lives together, they were faced with learning and adjusting to each parts' past family culture. The rules, comfort, and stability of "what used to be" no longer existed. This is what we are currently experiencing.

Through our adoption, we are merging two distinctly different cultures - Latin American institutional culture with Midwest North American family culture. Daleska and Emily have spent the last 5-6 years in an orphanage. They have had to learn independence and survival instincts and have guarded themselves emotionally and otherwise. The rest of us (Nathan, Stacy, Dylan, Kayla, and Aubry) have created a close-knit family based upon love, acceptance, trust, and vulnerability.

Merging these two cultures will take time and the first step is building trust. With biological children, trust with parents begins to develop immediately at birth, so we've got to make up some time. Our stay in Costa Rica has been invaluable as it has allowed us to focus solely on the girls and their needs without the distractions of life back in Indiana. Through the course of daily interactions and activities we have spent precious time together - swimming, playing games, sight-seeing, shopping, and having bedtime conversations. All trust-builders.

During this time, we have also learned not to take words or behaviors personally. When tempers rise, we don't react as we would with our bio children, with whom we have built years of trust. Every action we take needs to be accompanied with patience and gentleness, as right now the end goal is winning trust points, not necessarily correcting behavior. Ultimately, we have learned to celebrate the wins, of which there have been many, and to count them as baby steps in the process.

In the last nine weeks, we have already seen so much improvement in the adjustment process. Both girls are gaining a level of comfort around us as we learn likes and dislikes, work through language barriers and listen to one another's stories.

On Friday, we travel home to join the rest of our family. As the Brady Bunch Effect continues to set in, more adjustments will shape our everyday lives. And together, the seven of us will work towards becoming a "new normal" family!

What's Next?

Many have been asking what happens next in our adoption process. Our adoption was finalized by the judge's decree a week and a half ago. This means that the adoption has been finalized, but we cannot leave the country. Here is a video update on what needs to happen before we can come home.

Costa Rica Travel Tips: Transportation

After living in Costa Rica for two months, we have found some helpful tools and tips. While I (Nathan) will be sharing about our time in Costa Rica, many of these tips can be used in other countries. (My last Travel Tip post was about Money.)

Every country has it’s own nuisances when it comes to transportation. Unless you have made prior visits, it takes a few days, or weeks, to figure it out. Most large cities in Europe use the metro. In Central America, it is the bus system or taxis. However, we have found an alternative in Costa Rica - Uber! Below are my rankings of the top four modes of transportation for visitors. 

Uber

Positives:

1. Cheap… when compared to taxis. In some cases, it is almost half the cost.
2. No cash. Payments are set up in the Uber app. 
3. Clean. Uber has high standards when it comes to the age and condition of their driver’s vehicles.
4. Accountability. Drivers and passengers rate each other, out of 5 stars, at the end of each trip. There is also a place to leave comments.
5. Safety. To date, we have used Uber 79 times in about five weeks and have never felt unsafe with a driver.
6. Customer Service. You can use the app to dispute charges or ask questions. 

Negatives:

1. Unpredictable. I think because we are using an “app” we expect an immediate response. Once we “call” a driver, it may take anywhere from 1-10 minutes for them to arrive.
2. Technology. Since transactions are through an app, cellular data services are mandatory. A few times we could not connect to the app due to a lack of cellular service, and therefore could not call for an Uber.
3. (Sometimes) unavailable. Twice, when we traveled outside of San Jose, there were no nearby Uber drivers available.
4. Not always as knowledgeable as taxi drivers. Costa Ricans do not use physical addresses, and if a driver does not know the area of the destination very well, it's easy to get lost. In our 79 Uber uses, we had a driver get lost once and we had to be dropped off at a gas station close to our destination instead.  

Taxis

Positives:

1. Convenient. It is almost impossible to go 500 meters without seeing a red taxi (red taxis with a yellow triangle on the side are licensed taxis in Costa Rica).
2. Knowledgable. Taxi drivers know the city. Since Costa Rica does not use addresses, we can only give landmarks or the name of our hotel, but taxis always know how to get us where we need to go.

Negatives:

1. Crapshoot on quality of the ride. We have had everything from a brand new car with a wonderfully kind driver to a jalopy with a driver that seemed to be angry we ruined his day by requesting his services. 
2. No accountability. Unlike Uber, taxi drivers are not held accountable by a rating system. Again, on more than one occasion we have been driven by rude, aggressive drivers.
3. Transactions. Whether you pay with cash or credit cards, there is always a transaction at the end of your trip. 

Bus

I do not have much to say about using buses, other than to say it is very confusing for visitors. While it is the cheapest mode of transportation, it is slow (lots of stops) and most of the time you will have to use 2-3 buses to get to your destination.

Rental Car

We did not use a rental car. However if I were to make this trip over again, I would have rented a car. After 1-2 weeks, I was comfortable to drive myself. 

As you can read, I highly recommend using Uber. It only takes 5-10 minutes to download the app and set up your account. Unfortunately, not everyone in Costa Rica is happy about Uber. Read the article here.

Costa Rica Travel Tips: Money (Nathan)

After living in Costa Rica for two months, we have found some helpful tools and tips. While I will be sharing about our time in Costa Rica, many of these tips can be used in other countries. (My last Travel Tip post was about Travel Apps.)

Currency

As with any other destination, we never exchange money at the airport. The best places to exchange are banks, which are everywhere in San Jose. The major, state-owned banks are Banco Nacional de Costa Rica, Banco de Costa Rica, and Bancrédito. The major, privately owned, banks are Scotiabank, BAC San Jose, and Citibank. ATM’s are available as well, but fees at both the drawing bank and the bank at home will apply.

We have found the most convenient place to exchange money is at the malls. I will choose the bank with the shortest line, which is typically the privately owned banks. My favorite is Scotiabank. Scotiabank uses the line system for waiting, similar to most U.S. banks. State-owned banks use a number system - take a number, sit in the lobby and wait - which takes more time. Another major plus is that Scotiabank, and other privately owned banks, typically have bilingual staff. Here is some information about exchanging money:

• Costa Rican currency is a colon (plural: colones).
• The colorful colon bills come in 1000, 2000, 5000, 10,000, and 20,000 mil.
• The rate is currently 532 colones for $1 U.S. Dollar.
• It has been easiest for us to exchange $300-$500 at a time.
• Bring your passport, not a photocopy.
• Be prepared to give a CR phone number and the address of where you are staying. (Note: they will not always ask for this information, but sometimes do.)

Cash vs. Credit Card

If you do not like to carry a large bundle of cash, then using a credit card may be your best option. Most places, even taxis, will accept credit cards. However, you will want to bring some cash with you just in case. 

The downside of using credit cards is that you may receive an international fee for each charge. The travel cards that I use (American Express, American Advantage, and Mileage Plus) do not charge an international fee.

Cost of Living

We have found living in Costa Rica is about 30% more expensive than the U.S. Food and clothes, especially, are more expensive in CR than the U.S., which is a bummer as our girls only brought a few outfits with them from their orphanage. We wanted to bring clothes for our daughters, but it was hard to learn their sizes before we traveled. So, we have bought a few outfits for them here and will purchase the majority of their clothes back in the U.S.

It may be more cost effective to book a suite and cook meals in the room rather than eating out. Bringing toiletries from the U.S. saves money as well. And don't forget to add sunscreen and bug spray to your list. 

How to quickly calculate the Costa Rican Colon into U.S. Dollar

When shopping at stores and markets, there is a quick way to calculate colones into dollars. Let’s say you want to buy a shirt for 10,000 colones. You will double the cost (20,000) and knock off a zero which makes it $20.00. So, if you wanted to buy a soccer jersey of your favorite CR team for 45,000 colones, that will equal $90 US. Or, if you wanted to purchase a gift for 12,000 colones it would be $24 US.

What tips do you have for exchanging money or making purchases in Costa Rica or other countries? 

Travel Tips: Phone Apps

After living in Costa Rica for two months, we have found some helpful tools and tips. I (Nathan) will begin a series of posts that highlight what we have used and learned. However, these tips can be used in other countries if you find yourself traveling abroad. Likewise, we hope that these tips will help future Lifeline Families who are adopting from Costa Rica.

Do not leave your smartphone at home, even if you decide not to get an international plan. Since Stacy and I are both here, we knew that it would not be necessary to get international data on both of our phones. We decided to put data on Stacy’s phone, which I will talk about international data plans in a later post. Everything that I list below can be used without data.

Maps.Me is my most used travel app and here is why:

• Maps of countries and regions can be downloaded and used while offline. When traveling, you don't want to draw attention to yourself. Looking at a map on your phone is more discreet than pulling out a paper map.
• The route planning function gives you turn-by-turn directions.
• Save your favorite places by "pinning" them on your map. 
• The app is fast and reliable. We use Uber for our transportation needs. Usually, I open the Maps.Me app to follow the driver’s route. On more than one occasion, a driver has lost cellular service and so we finished the route using my Maps.me app. 

Uber is like a taxi, but much better for several reasons. I will share about transportation in a future post, but for now, the Uber app is a necessity.

Google Translate is even better now that you can use the app offline. There are multiple ways to input words and phrases such as typing, speaking, and taking photos of words and phrases to be translated. Once translated, you can turn your phone sideways to see the translation on the full screen. Which allows the person you are speaking with to read the words rather than trying to sound out the words yourself.

Currency is the app I am using, as of now, to check rates. I am always looking to find a better app, but for now, it works.

WhatsApp is not as common in the States, at least in my area of the country. From Costa Rica to Italy, all my friends are using Whats App. The app is much like the iPhone’s iMessage. You can use it to text, send voice messages, pictures, etc. You can communicate with your friend’s via your cell phone number. However, you do not need data to use it.

Trip Advisor is the app to use when traveling domestic and international. Many hotels and restaurants use the app abroad to attract visitors. The app has all the info you need and wants for a restaurant or hotel.

TripIt has been a long time travel tool for me. An annual subscription is available to use the app to its fullest. However, the free portion of the app is still useful. TripIt keeps track of your flight itinerary as well as hotel confirmations. Simply forward your email confirmation to TripIt and they will automatically organize your itinerary.

What are your favorite travel apps? I am always on the look-out for new and helpful apps. 

Tatman Family: Seating for Seven (Nathan & Stacy)

That title alone will deter us from eating out frequently, but it sounds so sweet. Yesterday, we completed the biggest step of our two-year adoption journey: the final adoption decree!! As many of you know, the last few weeks of our journey have been filled with steep climbs and multiple stops. While our adoption journey will never end, the judge's decree is a major milestone.

Meet our daughters...

Daleska is a beautiful, mature 12-year-old. She has a contagious laugh and a beautiful smile. This girl has overcome so many obstacles in order to be a part of our family, and we are so proud of her! She has more courage and spunk than most, and we are so excited to see what her future holds. In many ways she is still a normal 12-year-old, enjoying shopping, watching YouTube videos, and keeping up on the latest fashion trends. She also loves to spend quality time with others and finds great joy in giving gifts to loved ones.

Emily is an energetic, outspoken 8-year-old with a heart of gold. She loves serving and helping others, and before meals will always be found in the kitchen helping Stacy with food preparation. She is also a little prankster! We have to constantly watch out for her as she tries, mostly successfully, to jump around a corner and scare us any chance she gets! She likes to play in the park go on walks, and loves to dance and swim.

Supper at Quiznos. 

Meeting Day!

Making pancakes.

Getting Angry with the Angry Birds.

Court Date Tomorrow! (Nathan & Stacy)

Admittedly, when the judge postponed our hearing two weeks ago, we deflated like popped balloons. With the wind in our sails already beginning to die down, we didn't know if we could make it for the next two weeks. The few days following were filled with lots of questions and ambiguity. We didn't know what the future held in regard to our adoption. It could have gone either way. Someday we hope to share the whole story. However we need to protect our ticas, and the story is still being written.

Over the past two weeks, we have had to remind ourselves that we have gone through too much to stop now. When we think about all the obstacles on the road to us getting here, there is no doubt that God's provision brought us every step of the way. He provided the finances, in-country lodging, ability to learn a new language, as well as a tremendous support system both in Indiana and in Costa Rica. 

Through sheer determination, we had to accept that God knew what was needed, that He spoke through the judge, and that He would continue to provide for our family as we prepared to extend our stay in Costa Rica. There were times when we didn't know how, or what, to pray. In those moments, we had to lean on the prayers of others to get us through. We heard from our friends, family, and supporters via Skype, text messages, emails, and social media. Because of God's faithfulness we knew that we could keep going by putting one foot in front of the other. We focused on just the next step - the minutes and hours in the day ahead - because it provided the only clear way to move forward.

And now we have come to today. So much good has come in the past two weeks, and we praise God for little miracles every day that have added up to a whole lot of positive change. Tomorrow we will hear the judge's final decision on our adoption. As of now, we feel confident that it will proceed without further complications. However, we want to continue to give this process over to God and desire His will to be done.

Will you join us in prayer today and tomorrow as we prepare for our hearing?  Our appointment will be at 3:30 EST tomorrow (Friday) afternoon. Thank you, in advance, for your thoughts and prayers!

Food Fight!! (Nathan)

Dinner: tomatoes, sausage,
and plantains with sour cream. 

Every meal is under constant scrutiny. Every dish is in question. Every bite, if taken, is met with hesitation. Welcome to our lives right now. Whether we eat in a restaurant or at home - and it makes no difference if they ordered it or asked for it -  anything food-related is under close tica surveillance.

We have tried a variety of tactical strategies. "Maybe if we let them pick out the food at the grocery store?" Strike One. "Okay, how about we let them help cook the meals?" Strike two! "Alright, we are both well-educated adults, let's search pictures of Costa Rican food online with them and create meal plans from that!" Swing and miss.  Strike three!!!

Along the way, we have discovered foods they like (mac-n-cheese...made with water, not milk) as well as foods they detest (as in all vegetables). There have been a few surprise foods as well. Who would have thought one of these picky eaters would like liver and onions?! (Gross!?!?!!) Or that both girls would want to eat a handful of prunes each day. (Thumbs-up for healthy digestive systems!)

With our biological children, we have been able to direct them towards eating healthy from a very young age. Back in the US recently, on their first trip to the grocery store by themselves, our oldest three stockpiled the fridge full of vegetables, yogurts, fruits, lean meats, and other healthy foods. With only a few exceptions, all three bio kids will eat almost anything we put in front of them.

We hope that our ticas will adapt to a healthy way of eating over time. We shall see whose army wears down first. As of now we have the resources and strategic planning. However, they possess sheer willpower and survival instincts.

Who will win the Food Fight? Stay tuned!

"I like pizza, I don't like pizza, I like pizza, I don't like pizza..."

Lunch: Fried cheese, plantains, and watermelon.

Dessert: Tres Leches, something
we can all agree upon... sometimes.

So Thankful for Grace (Stacy)

Sunday School at Centro Christiana Esperanza Viva

Yesterday we attended church here in San Jose, and at the request of our 12-yr-old, we sat in on the youth service instead of the adult service. I listened yesterday morning as a sweet young lady from the group spoke. I only understood about half of what was said (that might be generous), but the message to my heart was loud and clear...we live changed lives because of the sacrifice Jesus Christ made for us. Friends, seriously, I'm just so thankful for the grace of God.

When I decided to become a follower of Jesus Christ by accepting the sacrifice he made for my sins, I committed to living a life that was different in light of that sacrifice. Seemed reasonable - Jesus died to take the penalty for all the ugly things that I had done in my past, and I agreed to be an active participant, along with his Holy Spirit, as my heart and mind were changed to reflect Christ.  But that wasn't the end-all-to-be-all. This process keeps happening - over and over and over again.

I can get pretty content with myself, feeling as though I'm good enough, loving enough, kind enough, merciful enough, patient enough, joyful enough, gentle enough, peaceful enough, self-controlled enough. The truth is, it just isn't ever ENOUGH. And then there are times that it's really obvious that I've failed miserably.

Thank you, LORD, that there's GRACE!!

Where would I be without grace? Anxious about the fact that I will never live up to perfection. Always striving to please people instead of realizing my worth in the eyes of the Lord. Living a life of regret in lieu of seeking forgiveness and forgiving others while also seeing my rough patches as opportunities for better perspective.

I really can't imagine life without the grace of God.

I look at the faces of these kiddos that we're hoping to bring back to the States with us to welcome into our family, and I can't help but wonder what their futures hold. Each one of us has all kinds of life experiences that mold us into the human beings we are at any given moment in time. I'm praying really hard that by our words and our actions, these young ones get a glimpse of the love and grace the Lord has shown to us, and they crave more and more of it in their own lives. After all, "we are all broken people in need of healing, and He is putting us back together." (Shout out to our home church, County Line!! Watch CL's Welcome Video here.)





here

It Was A Hard Day (Nathan)

That title is an understatement, but no other words come to mind right now. Well, there are other words, but none that are appropriate for me to write or you to read! We knew that when we decided to adopt older children that it was going to be messy, difficult, and challenging. However, we were not prepared for what happened at our court appointment. In reality, no one was prepared for what happened.

Yesterday was our scheduled court hearing in which the judge would declare our adoption final. A 30-minute court hearing turned into a 4-hour court appointment. While I cannot go into details, the judge deemed that one of our girls was not ready to continue the adoption process. Instead, she has suspended the hearing for two weeks so that our daughter can receive necessary help before continuing the process.

To date, it was the most difficult day on this adoption journey. However, we know that God is in control and that His hands are in this process. We are thankful that everyone involved (judge, lawyers, and social workers) is working diligently for the good of all parties involved. Your continued thoughts and prayers would be much appreciated for our family here in Costa Rica as well as our family in the States. These next two weeks will be challenging, yet necessary. 

A Slow & Steady Transition (Nathan)

On the way to meet the girls!

Minutes before meeting the girls!

 It was a major first step with her new family. I cannot imagine the girl we met three weeks ago, doing what she did yesterday. Since attending church is a central part of our lives, we wanted to make sure we went as often as possible while in Costa Rica. On just her second visit, "D" was invited to go to Sunday School by an older girl. To our surprise, she said "yes." After Kayla's and Aubry's experience, we knew that she would be subjected to a lot of questions in front of peers.

It is important for you to know that this is the same girl who is extremely shy. I don't think she said more than five words on our first Skype call and our meeting day was not much better. For "D" to stand up in front of a group of strangers to talk about herself and answer questions was a HUGE accomplishment.

The girls are opening up to us more each day. It has been amazing to see the transformation take place. We have had multiple people tell us how much the girls have improved. "D" and "E" have shown us that, over time, they are willing to put in the effort to make the necessary adjustments as they face this new life.

During these past few weeks, we have been able to prepare the girls for life in Indiana. We have talked about the climate change (Boo!), language, school, work, church, friends, and family. (Last night we had to ease their fear of being swept away by a tornado, because they were told tornadoes are frequent in the US.) Just as they are warming up to us, they are also warming up to who and what is waiting for them in Indiana. So how will we handle the transition? This will, in large part, depend on how the girls make the adjustment when we return.

We will take a "slow and steady" approach in the beginning, which will be a big adjustment for us! We will need to limit interaction with family members and friends for the first few weeks while the girls adjust to life in their new home. We know that all of you are eager to meet the girls, but for their sake introductions will need to be slow.

Please don't take it personally if we do not attend your event, accept your invitation, or invite you to our house for some time after we return. The first few months will be dictated by how the girls are adjusting. Everything will be new to them: culture, family, language, weather, people, friends, church, community, school, etc. We are so thankful for the adjustment time we have with them here in Costa Rica, but we know there are many more changes to come!

With your support of family and friends, our girls will do well in their transition. Thank you for praying, helping, and thinking about us throughout this process!

Laundry Day The Costa Rican Way! (Video)

Want to do your laundry in a pila? I didn't think so.

Getting to know our Ticas. (Nathan)

"E's"" scorecard" from the last two days.

It's been 2.5 weeks since we met our girls. While there is still so much to learn about, and from, one another we are getting to know each other very quickly.

I wish I could share a few pictures of the girls, however, we cannot post pics until our court date, which is in exactly one week. (Yeah!!!!!) Instead of showing you a picture I want to describe each of the girls by their personality, character, and charm.

First is "D." She is twelve years old and very shy when you first meet her. I remember our first Skype call when I could count on one hand the number of words she spoke. Likewise, our first meeting day was filled with blank stares, shy smiles, and a quiet demeanor. Fast forward 2.5 weeks, and she has exploded out of her cocoon. "D" has one of the most beautiful smiles that I have ever seen. Her smile can light up a room and can turn around a sour mood in no time.

Each day we see more and more of her personality come out. In just the past few days, she has begun to initiate conversations. Whereas before, she would only speak to us if we started the conversation. Initially, she would talk through her younger sister, "E" by whispering words that would be meant for us. While she still does this from time to time, she is quickly learning that she can, and should, come directly to us.

Where do I begin with "E?" She is a bundle of joy and orneriness wrapped up into one little human. It is important to know where she is at all times. Otherwise, she will sneak up on you and scare you. However, I am getting used to her tactical strategy and can ward off any attacks.

Soon after Kayla and Aubry left for the States, "E" began doing this "whining" thing when she wanted something, didn't get what she wanted, or just felt like it. We knew that we were going to have to nip it in the butt immediately. So we came up with a "three strikes" rule. If she whined three times then she was not able to watch television the rest of the day. If she whined three more times, then she couldn't play games on our phones. The first day ended with no television watching, but the second day she didn't get one strike!

After a rough start in life and five years in an orphanage, both "D" and "E" have experienced many things that children should not have to go through. Despite those negative experiences, they are precious girls with big hearts and lots of room to love and be loved. As they continue to trust us and feel safe around our family, we will no doubt get to see more of the personality and uniqueness shine.

(Tico and Tica are terms used for Costa Ricans. You can read more about them here.)

Thinking of home... (Stacy)

Last picture as a family of five. 

When we found out the adoption process in Costa Rica includes a lengthy in-country stay, I thought, "Costa Rica for 6 weeks?! BONUS!!" And today, 3 weeks in, I'm ready to pack us all up and head home!

As much as I love to travel and experience other cultures, there truly is no place like home...especially when 3/7 of our crew is there. (I miss you, Dylan, Kayla, and Aubry!) Among lots of other things, we've missed Kayla's first High School Banquet (aka Prom), and on a much more heart-wrenching note, the passing of my dearly loved grandmother. We have so much joy over bringing D and E into our family, and yet there is also stress over language barriers and figuring out how to meet the needs (immediate and long-term) of these precious girls. Don't misunderstand me, D and E are SO WORTH THE EFFORT, and we feel incredibly blessed to be on this journey with them. I'm just ready to get us all settled in at home!

And yet, I know this time in Costa Rica is vitally important - for the girls to bond with us on their home turf and for us to bond with them as we become familiar with their culture. I have not heard of many countries with an adoption process like Costa Rica's. Upon arrival in country, PANI (Costa Rica's children's social service agency) requires adoptive parents to have several days of daytime visitation with the child/children. If all goes well during this visitation time, adoptive parents take custody in-country for 3-4 weeks.

We've been in the custody phase for almost 2 weeks, and overall it has gone really well. We've all moved on from the awkwardness of living with people we hardly know, to lots of goofiness, laughter, prayers, language study, meal times, pool time, and long walks together. E is compassionate and full of energy. She loves to give hugs/kisses, hold hands, be goofy, and talk a lot...and if we can't figure out what she's saying, she finds a way to reword things until we understand! D is more reserved, but has an incredible smile that she displays often, a great laugh, and a big heart! She is a typical pre-teen...loves using the tablet and watching TV...but she's always willing to help with whatever we ask her to, and she is a great big sister to E. She's also been good about helping us with Spanish language study as we are helping her with English.

These girls are beautiful, strong, and just overall amazing, and while I cannot wait to get them settled in at home, I'm so thankful we are bonding with them AND with their culture during this time. Of course, prayers for this momma's divided heart are still greatly appreciated. ;)

**Special shout-out to the family members and friends who are blessing us through prayer, caring for our stateside kiddos, financial support, and filling in all the vacancies we've left during this time. I'm seriously getting choked up thinking about how you all are filling in the gaps for us. So thankful for you all and for a God who works out even the tiny details!!**

Eph 3:20 "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." AMEN!!

We love you, GG, and we are so glad you are rejoicing with the Lord!

Gus (our Pug) is excited to see the girls!

Our girls, Kayla, and Aubry returned last Friday from Costa Rica. Anticipating an excited Gus, they videotaped their reunion. He did not disappoint!

Coffee Farm & La Paz Waterfall Gardens (Aubry)

Templo Waterfall

Last Tuesday, we got to do something I have been waiting to do every since we arrived in Costa Rica. We went to the La Paz Waterfalls, Rainforests, and Wildlife Sanctuary! We started off the day going to a coffee farm with a beautiful background of San Jose from the mountain top. We then headed to La Paz. At the beginning of the tour, we went through all the animal exhibits. We started at the bird exhibit, where we got to hold a toucan! Then, we headed to the butterfly sanctuary, which was such a cool experience! We walked into this huge green room filled with butterflies, flying all around! I may have gotten scared sometimes, because I'm not a huge fan of things flying in my face, but it was cool! Most of the butterflies were bright blue and would land right on my back or arm. There was a lot of really unique looking ones too! After the butterflies, we went to the frogs. They weren't my favorite, but some of them were cool. This next exhibit was, of course, my absolute favorite! THE MONKEYS!! I felt so bad for these monkeys. They were locked up in a small cage. It broke my heart. :(

We sadly left the monkeys and saw a few hummingbirds, which was really neat! Next was my second most favorite - the jungle cats. The first cat was very pretty! It came right up to the fence too. It started to try to bat at our hands, so we stepped back a little bit, but I just wanted to take a selfie with this super cool cat! So, I attempted to take a selfie, but as I turned my back my braided hair was hanging in front of the fence and the cat batted at it! It almost got my hair! Of course, dad saw it eyeing my hair and yelled right as the cat attempted to get it! Good thing, otherwise I would have had to get a new hair cut!! The other cats were cool too, while we were walking up to the jaguars, the mom jaguar was right in front of the glass checking out all of the people. And of course, since there was glass in between the cat and me, this time, I took a selfie with it. After the cats we took a picture with a couple weird-looking bulls and walked through a really old look-alike house.

Next, were the waterfalls. Theiy were so cool! From the beautiful greenery surrounding the water pouring off the side of a huge cliff, it was truly amazing! I could never get used to seeing those waterfalls. We got to down by the river that followed one of the waterfalls, also. Which i thought was an even more beautiful sight!

This was probably one of my most fsvoritr days in Costa Rica because we got to experience so much of God's wonderful creation! I'm always blown away at truly how awesome He is and His amazing creation!

Aubry with Toucan Sam!

Selfie with Jaguar

Hasta Luego a Mi Familia y Costa Rica (Kayla)

Kayla and Aubry going through security. 

Aubry and I are leaving today to go back to the states. This trip has been absolutely amazing, and better than I could have ever imagined. Bonding with our new sisters has gone well, but it makes it that much harder to leave. My parents and the ticas will be here until May, so we won't get to see them for another few weeks. At the same time, I am so thankful to have been able to come to Costa Rica for as long as I did (17 days). I have met so many wonderful people and have made many unforgettable memories.

It will be hard going back to "real life," especially without taking the whole family with me. I think I speak for all of us when I say that I just want everyone to be home in Indiana and begin this new chapter of our lives. I know God has led us exactly where He wants us to be. The girls couldn't fit more perfectly into our family, and I love everything about them. We have already been able to experience so many firsts with them such as using an automatic sink, going to the mall, and ordering at Subway. These things that seem so small to us are new and very exciting for them. We quickly got past the awkward stage of not knowing how to make conversation, and now tease with each other, laugh with each other, and say how much we love each other.

I am truly so thankful for this family of mine that God has pieced together so perfectly. Of course, along the way there were times that I doubted it was going the way it was "supposed to go," but of course, God had it all in His hands and planned out every detail of the big picture.

Trip to the Beach! (Nathan)

The girls on "Sibling Day." From left: "E," Aubry, "D," and Kayla.

Sorry for the lack of posts during these last few days. Much has happened since our last post. Dylan arrived on Thursday afternoon, which marked the first time we were together as a family of seven. First thing Friday we left for an overnight stay at Punta Leona. Along the way, we stopped for breakfast and to see some crocs, which helped to break up the trips.

One of the things we have noticed, right away, is that the girls are not used to long car rides. Both girls have felt queasy on long trips at different times. Not sure what we are going to do on our 14-hour drive to North Carolina this summer!

We have now been together for over a week, and the girls are doing great. Each day has been an improvement from the previous in regards to how the girls are settling in. We are getting past the "awkward" stage as we are becoming better acquainted with one another. We are enjoying the many "firsts" together as a family. There will be even more once we arrive home.

Yesterday, we said "goodbye" to Julia and Poncho, and settled into our new "Casa" for the next three weeks. While we will miss their generous hospitality and Julia's cooking, it will be good to have our a place of our own and to establish a daily routine. Fortunately, for us, Julia invited us to her house for lunch on Sundays.

Tomorrow we will take another long trip to see waterfalls, rescued animals, and a coffee farm.  On Wednesday, we will have our first consulate appointment at the U.S. Embassy. Then Thursday morning we say goodbye to Kayla and Aubry. Our scheduled court date is April 27th. At this time, the adoption is finalized, and we can share names and pictures with all of you. Afterward, it will take approximately two weeks to finish the paperwork (passports, visas, etc.) before we can travel back to the States.

Croc watch!

I spy with my little eye a monkey.

Aubry enjoying the pool at Punta Leona. 

Sunset at the beach. 

They are all around the pool waiting for leftovers!

Six Weeks In Costa Rica (Nathan)

Stacy and I are truly blessed to be employed by organizations that support our adoption journey. It is reassuring to know that your employer "has your back" and is understanding. We had mixed emotions when we first heard that we would have to spend a minimum of 5-6 weeks in Costa Rica. On one hand, who wouldn't want to spend a month, or more, in Costa Rica? On the other hand, it is a long time to be away from family, work, and life, in general. Besides, what were we going to do for that amount of time?

Now that we have been with D and E for a few days, I know why we need to spend this amount of time in Costa Rica. Our Ticos have lived in their orphanage for over five years. During those five years, other than going to school, they rarely left the complex; traveling to a supermarket or mall only once or twice a year. It has been very overwhelming for them to meet their new family, going out to eat, and shopping for new clothes; all in their own culture. I can't imagine the girls traveling to, and living in the United States after one or two weeks of meeting their new family.

Over the next month, we will be going to many different appointments, such as the U.S Embassy, immigration office, courts, etc. In between these appointments we will have opportunities to visit some cool Costa Rican sites, activities with the girls, and begin teaching them English. Our hope is that most of the bonding will take place in Costa Rica so that we can help them navigate through the transition of coming home.

The bonding and attachment process is something we will write about in later posts. It is very important for adopted children to bond with their parents. Most children, living in an orphanage, have issues bonding to just one person. While living in an institution they have caretakers coming in and out of their lives every day. After these children are adopted they don't have any problems going up to a stranger when seeking comfort.

The next five weeks will be long, yet critical for the strong familial bonding that needs to take place. We love our girls so much and cannot wait to get custody of them, beginning today. This does not mean that they are officially adopted, but only that we do not have to take them back to the orphanage in the evenings. Once we have officially adopted the girls we can post pictures of them and our activities on our Facebook page.

We Had Our Meeting Day!! (Stacy)

This photo was taken at PANI. 

Where do I even begin?! As the title of this post states, today was meeting day...our first time meeting D and E in person! We've Skyped a few times, but nothing compares to a face-to-face meeting. Of course, they were even more beautiful in person! :) Nathan, Kayla, Aubry and I had all kinds of emotions as we waited for them to appear in the room where we were waiting at the orphanage - excitement, nervousness, joy, anticipation, anxiety, impatience, eagerness - it was all there!

As we waited, we said a quick prayer - something along the lines of, "Lord, please prepare our hearts and theirs!" - and within a few minutes they were rounding the corner, entering the room. Nervous smiles on their faces, nervous smiles and tears of joy on our faces, warm hugs and hellos, a few awkward moments of near silence, more nervous smiles, and then we all piled into a van and went to eat! The desire for good food is something most people can relate to. :)

We found that as the 6 of us sat at the table, even with the language barrier (we speak a little Spanish and they speak a very little bit of English), it was easy to have some good conversation about food, colors, tricks with straws, Barbies, music, school supplies, and shoes. :) After lunch, we walked around the mall for a bit, and D and E took it all in. We're told that in the time they have been in the orphanage (5 years), they have only ever been outside their little community at Christmastime, so I'm sure there is a lot they have yet to see. While it's hard for me to think about them being without a family for so long, I can't wait to have all kinds of "firsts" with them!

We were so very blessed by our meeting today. Thankfully, we were given the opportunity to hire an awesome videographer to capture all theses special moments. She met with each of us (including D and E) beforehand and asked how we were feeling, what we were thinking, etc. She'll also be coming to the airport with the 6 of us to pick Dylan up and to capture his reaction and our first moments together as a family of 7!

We owe big thanks to Yolanda, Rebeca, Maria, Sarah, and Victor for a great first day!

Seriously, my heart is so full!!

Meeting with the PANI social worker. 

Meeting, at the orphanage, with "D" and "E"'s caretakers. 

Our Costa Rican Church Experience (Aubry)

Worship service at Centro Christiana Esperanza Viva

Yesterday we had the awesome opportunity to go to a Spanish-speaking church. This wasn't our first time attending a Spanish-speaking church. We have also attended one in Alabama and one in Guatemala, but attending this church was an incredible experience. From the moment we walked into the church parking lot, we were welcomed. As we were walking up to the church, walking in, and finding our seats, everyone was full of smiles, and they were all talking and laughing with each other, it was a contagious happiness that filled the church.

The service started out with worship, just like most services. This worship was a little different than what I'm used to, though. The music was a very upbeat, with a pop kind of feel to it. Girls, from the dance team, were dancing in front of and on the stage waving flags. The people on and off the stage were jumping up and down praising the Lord, focusing on God.

After worship we had communion, and then the kids went off to our separate rooms. At first, Kayla and I didn't get up to leave because I was a little frightened to leave my parents, but after the youth pastor, Armando, asked us if we wanted to go with them, Kayla made me go. While we were walking in they were already introducing other guests from Columbia. As the youth group was asking them questions, I was kind of praying that we wouldn't have to be introduced like that because I don't know much Spanish. After they had been done, Armando asked if we wanted to go up there and of course, Kayla, being the go-getter that she is, agreed. Lucky for us, though, there were a few people who knew enough English to translate so I didn't have to make a fool out of myself. After they had asked us questions about ourselves, they all stood up to come welcome us (I have never been kissed on the cheek so many times in my life). It was different from any other youth group I've been to. The students did most of the leading. I have always seen the adults preach to the students, but from what I saw the students preach to the students. Which I thought was really neat!

Costa Rican Hospitality (Kayla)

Julia, Pancho, Kayla, and Aubry

Meet our friend, Julia. Before our family came to Costa Rica, we were strangers to her, but that changed very quickly. Julia is the step-mom to one of my family's good friends, so he set it up for us to stay with her for our first two weeks here in Costa Rica. Julia lives in San Jose with her father, who is 94 years old, and has two sisters that live close by. Julia has gone above and beyond to make our experience wonderful. She cooks us breakfast, lunch, and dinner, provides us with rooms in her home, and looks after us like we're her own children. She has a heart of gold, and only ever wants the best for us.

Another important thing to know about Julia is that she only speaks Spanish. This was challenging and a bit awkward at first, as we didn't know quite what to say other than "gracias." However, we took this as an opportunity to challenge ourselves in learning more Spanish as we wait for my new sisters come to stay with us. There are times when it would be easier to talk to Julia only about the necessities, but as our family pools together different Spanish words to make a complete conversation, we have gotten to know her very well and have even shared a few laughs. I count it as a huge blessing to know Julia and Pancho. 

Breakfast: Pancakes, sausage, and peaches.

Lunch: Beef steak, beans, rice, and salad.

Dinner: Alfredo pasta and biscuits.

The day I told the taxi driver, "I love you." (Nathan)

It was our third day in Costa Rica, and we just finished shopping for groceries. As I had done a few times already, I hailed the taxi and asked him to take us to Patarrá. He nodded and so we piled into the car. However, he didn't quite understand what I said. So I looked him right in the eye and, in Spanish, stated, "I love you." And since he was giving me the "deer in the headlights look" I surmised that he didn't hear me, so I said, with more affection, and again in Spanish, "you are my love." It was at this point when Stacy, our primary translator, had finally gotten in her seat. So you can imagine her astonishment when she heard her husband communicate his affection to the taxi driver.

I'm sure you are wondering what it was I thought I said. Let me assure you that I am still trying to figure that out. I don't know what it is like for everyone else, but when put on the spot I have all these Spanish words running through my mind. Whatever word, or phrase, the needle is pointing to is what comes out of my mouth. Sometimes, it makes perfect sense and other times well; you get the picture.

Learning a new language is hard, but when adopting children from a different culture, it is necessary. One of the decisions we made early on in our adoption journey is that we want our girls to continue to speak their native language. We believe it is important that they never lose sight of who they are and where they are from. Keeping their native language is essential to who they are and who God created them to be. As they transition back into our home and North American culture, it is important that they can communicate with each other, us, and to God in their native language. Therefore, it is important that we learn their language just as much as they learn our language. We feel that this will create a unique bridge that will draw us closer together.

One is quickly humbled when learning a new language, i.e. my taxi story. However,  it is important to put yourself out there regardless of how silly or embarrassing it might be. I hope my new daughters understand this while they are learning English. Too many people are scared to try something new because they will mess up.

So when we bring "D" and "E" home, encourage them to speak in English. Offer them praise for doing something so brave. A few times on our Skype calls that have already shared several phrases in English. The fact that they are already trying brings tears to our eyes.

Check out Duolingo if you would like to learn a new language. It is free and can be downloaded on your mobile device or used in your web browser.

Two Years In The Making (Nathan)

Stacy and I attended The CAFO Summit in 2014.

It was exactly two years ago this week when Stacy and I decided to adopt. Our family was in Guatemala on a mission's trip, and our team decided to spend the last few days, relaxing, at a beach. Both Stacy and I had been asked numerous times if we were ever going to adopt, while Stacy was open to the idea, I was not. I thought my reasons for not adopting were valid such as it cost too much and we can't afford to support another person. Also, I had grandiose dreams and visions of becoming early empty nesters. In hindsight, my reasons now seem selfish and immature.

After saying "yes" to adoption, it took another six weeks before we decided the country we would adopt from and the agency we were going to adopt through. These are critical decisions to make and will determine how long the process will take. We decided to stay away from Africa and Eastern Europe as the adoption process was slow, unpredictable, and in some places corrupt.

At one point we thought we would adopt from Haiti, but in the end, we chose Costa Rica. Our family loves the Latino culture. We have traveled to Guatemala (all five of us), Mexico (Stacy), and the Dominican Republic (Nathan) over the past few years. Latinos possess strong familial relationships and assume the responsibility to take care of one another. These are traits that are also important to our family.

As we continued the process, there were other important decisions to make. Would we adopt children with known physical or mental disabilities? Would we adopt older children? Would we adopt a sibling group? Would we adopt a boy or a girl? We made each decision after much prayer and deliberation. After all, these decisions were life-altering choices for us and the child(ren) we would bring into our family.

In the end, we chose to adopt two sisters, "D" (12) and "E" (8). Some of the decisions we intentionally made were to adopt an older sibling group of girls. In a later post, I will share why we made these decisions.

In three days, we will meet our daughters, in person, for the first time. We have been able to speak with them, via Skype, on three different occasions. Each time the conversations are longer and filled with greater anticipation of when we can meet face to face.

These last two years have been filled with many ups and downs, hurry up and slow down, tears of joy, and angst. Each day that passed meant that we were closer to meeting our daughters, but also represented another day that our family was incomplete.

We cannot wait to share our daughters with you! They are precious and very beautiful. We are not allowed to post any pictures until the final court date when they officially become a Tatman! Until then we will continue to update you on our journey and stay in Costa Rica.

Are you thinking about adopting? Here are some great resources to help get you started:

• Loving Shepherd Ministries' Assessment Form will help you identify which countries you are eligible to adopt from. 
• The CAFO Summit is an annual conference filled with all things in the world of orphan care. Stacy and I discovered our agency and country at this conference in 2014. 
• Lifeline Children's Services is the adoption agency we decided to use. We would highly recommend them to any family thinking about adoption. 
• There are many children in Indiana's foster system who are waiting to be adopted. 
• Gateway Woods completed our home study. 

We have arrived! (Stacy)

We arrived in Costa Rica yesterday, and we love it already! We are being shown great hospitality by a lovely Costa Rican woman (a relative of a good friend), and the weather is warm and sunny. Today we ventured into town to check things out - took a taxi and checked out places to shop, see a movie, and exchange money.

For those of you who don't know, we are here to adopt 2 ticas (Costa Rican girls)! I just keep imagining what it will be like to shop, see a movie, and walk these streets with our ticas, and I can't help but tear up every time! As excited as I am, I have also had a bit of worry over all the details - travel, meeting day, bonding, etc - but I've been remembering to pray when I want to worry, and I have confidence the Lord has it all figured out! ;)

As it comes to mind, please pray with us that:

• our ticas will adjust/bond well to us and us to them
• we are able to communicate more and more in Spanish (translating is exhausting!)
• the 7 of us will travel safely

Thanks all!! :)
Stacy